There is a swell of movement within my life right now and instead of being terrified, instead of gripping the edges and planting my feet, praying not to fall overboard, I am embracing the movement.
I have been sober for just over a year and nine months. As my one year approached, I found myself wondering why there had been changes within my life (I had stopped drinking, most profoundly) but why I had not, as I had wished for, gotten everything that I wanted? Why hadn’t the weight I put on from ten years of excessive drinking gone away? Why hadn’t my financial situation improved? Why hadn’t relationships gotten easier? Where was the bountiful opportunity that I thought followed sobriety?
As it turns out, just like every other moment of my life including the day I stopped drinking, I had no idea how things were going to unfold for me. 9 months ago, acknowledging that I had no idea how things were going to unfold felt unsure, left me insecure and unsteady – I didn’t know what to expect, even in sobriety, even with a clear head and a true desire to live a better life – so how could I ever feel safe or sure of anything? The surety, the comfort and the peace of my life today comes from knowing and connecting with my higher power. There is a freedom in releasing control and the desire to be in charge that has left me feeling.. well, less responsible. I am not responsible, nor do I need to worry, about the things that I cannot control. The things I can control, I do not need to fret about those either – for today, I have guidance. I am not alone – and that is one of the most profound, important gifts of my sobriety today. I do not need to worry, stress or fear.
I take my life a day at a time and when I get ahead of myself, or get overwhelmed – I ask for help. I am reminded that it is not I who needs to make the grand plan for my life, but only follow the guidance for today that I have asked for and been so freely given.
My life is full of changes – beautiful, terrifying, new, challenging changes. I do not know what to expect from the opportunities that are unfolding in my life, but today that brings me a sense of calm and serenity. I am able to be sure of one thing and that is – I am taken care of. As long as I continue to make the next right decision, stay sober and committed to my sobriety, my life will unfold just as God has planned.
I am sober today and for that I am grateful. I am also blessed beyond measure and comforted by the ability to be excited by life, even when I’ve got no idea what it has in store.
This life of sobriety is monumentally more than I could have ever imagined – it is full of gifts wrapped in so many beautiful, strange packages that I could have never dreamed up in my own mind. I hope today you can find some joy in not knowing and not needing to know what kind of gifts are in store for you, but simply in their inevitable delivery into your life.