Not running.

I’ve got this mind, I know now, that is wired to think and believe certain things. One of the guiding principles my mind operated on for many years was that if things were tough, painful or scary, I could escape. I could run. Avoiding conflict and pain was the only way I really knew how to feel better. Temporary relief was better than none at all, I told myself for years and maybe it really was. I had  no tools, no reason to think differently or believe otherwise.

That’s another miracle of my life – not just believing, but knowing now that there is a path in my life that doesn’t involve avoidance or escape. Life on life’s terms is pretty scary sometimes, it’s often really uncomfortable and it’s rare that I’m positive or sure of what my path is – but that doesn’t overwhelm me today. It doesn’t scare me.

Instead of running from my fears, I have learned to plant my feet on the ground of the earth and face them. I heard someone say a couple of weeks ago that in sobriety she found not only the strength to face her fears, but to lean into them – to really feel what they were, to be able to accept them and learn from them. I don’t think I’m there yet, but I hope that’s where I am moving toward.

Life isn’t scary when you realize you’re not alone. When you realize that the power greater than you in this life, really wants the absolute best for you. When you realize that every single person, yourself included, is positively beautiful, and deserving of a peaceful and joy-filled life. Life can be beautiful, but it can be cruel – the thing is that neither has to make or break you. I believe that we are all innately capable of coping and thriving and really being happy, once the barriers are broken down. Once we are willing.

I want it. I am willing.
And I want it for you, too.

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. mikeykjr says:

    “Life isn’t scary when you realize you’re not alone. When you realize that the power greater than you in this life, really wants the absolute best for you.” <— great statement, I might steal it LOL. I, like you, KNOW, not just believe, we are not alone in our process of recovery. I always think of the I Am Responsible Pledge, "When Anyone, Anywhere Reaches Out For Help, I Want The Hand Of A.A.. Always To Be There." Simply – it is!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. onthemend12 says:

      That’s so true! What a comfort and relief it is, for this alcoholic, to not have to look to outside people, things or substances to know that I am worth it, today. What a gift to finally feel and understand life as joyous, happy and free! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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